Salting my Wounds
by dontcryMasha
Summary: Kendall struggles with his feelings for Logan, until Logan's emotions complicate everything even more. Kogan, Jagan. M for language, sexuality.
1. Mixed Feelings

That's my boy, Dimples, always by my side. We've been best friends for a really long time, and I wouldn't want it any other way. Lately though, I can't get him out of my mind. He's never had a girlfriend, so I don't know his sexuality for sure. A lot of the things he does and says seem pretty gay, though. But even with a best friend, you can't just ask them.

Logan stood next to me in the recording booth as usual while we were working on the third album. Knowing me, I can get pretty heated over little things (particularly things involving Gustavo Rocque) but looking at Logan always calms me down. Maybe a little too calm. Or maybe my heart starts beating so fast that it stops. He smiles so sweetly as he sings I sometimes get distracted.

"Kendall!"

Damn it! Not that voice. It was Gustavo on the other side of the box, making the usual angry tomato face at me.

"Sorry," I said bitterly, the instrumental music continuing. Logan looked at me and giggled, as did James. I rolled my eyes and we kept going on with our session. I tried my hardest to stay focused and not ogle Logan, no matter how sweet and cute he looked. He's great at making adorable faces.

We finally called it a day and went back to our apartment. Logan disappeared with James and Carlos, leaving me in the living room alone. I flipped on the TV and curled up on the sofa. It seemed there was nothing good on. I scanned through all of the channels hoping to find a show I could at least leave on and nap with. I was _so_ tired. My mom passed by the sofa and touched the top of my head. "My boy feeling tired again?" she asked teasingly.

"Uh huh. Something like that."

"Have you been working hard, or hardly working?"

"Ha. Ha. I've been working hard, you know I always do." I rolled my eyes and pulled a blanket up to my chin. Mom went into the kitchen and I heard the faucet turn on.

"You're so silly, Kendall."

"I _guess_."

"Where are the rest of the guys?"

"They went out. I dunno."

"Why didn't you go with them?" The water turned off and I heard her footsteps come closer to me. Her voice was a little dismayed. I looked over at her and raised an eyebrow.

"'Cause I'm tired, that's why," I said.

"You're young. You need to get out and be with your friends more."

"Mom, I go out with them all the time. I spent the first half of the day with them. I'm allowed to rest sometimes."

"Oh, Kendall," mom looked worried and put her hands on her hips. "I just notice you on the couch, alone, more often lately."

"Yeah, I know, I've been tired."

I couldn't tell her the real reason, of course; that I was in love with my best friend. I wondered so much if Logan felt the same way about me that I was sick to my stomach all day now.

"Well if you ever need help," my mom said apprehensively, now walking away. "You can always ask me."

"Wait, mom?" I called out.

"Yes?"

"Have you…" I inhaled deeply, and she stood there waiting.

"What is it?" she asked.

I looked away from her and quickly said, "Have you ever been in love with someone, but you didn't know if they liked you back?"

"Aww, sweety," my mom said with a suddenly air of delight in her voice. She waltzed over to the sofa and fluttered down beside me. Her arm went around my shoulders and I resisted somewhat. "You have a crush on someone? Who is it?"

"Just some girl," I said weakly.

"Well, the best thing to do is just tell her. Women can't read minds, you know."

"But I don't know if she likes me," I explained. "I have no idea if she's interested at all. And, and if I tell her how I feel, it might make our friendship super awkward."

"Try and drop little hints," mom said. "Stand closer when you talk, touch her arm, stare into her eyes. There are tiny things you can do when you're around her, and if she responds the same way, then it's a good time to ask her out. How does that sound?"

"Yeah," was all I said, nodding. "Yeah." I liked the idea of being closer to Logan. Sure, we had touched and talked and done all sorts of best friend stuff, but I had never consciously acted interested in him. Was this the best way to do it? My mom is basically never wrong.

I took a quick nap anyway, and when I woke up, everyone was back home. In fact I was woken up because of the boys coming in a crashing around me. I opened my eyes quickly and saw Carlos looking down at me. "Wakey wakey!" he said. I scoffed at him and sat up reluctantly. "Trying to nap here," I grumbled.

"We wanted to catch Back to the Future," said James. He was next to Carlos, and furthest away was Logan. He had his eyes fixed on the television.

"Baahh," I groaned. Knowing I couldn't win, I sat up and flopped into the back of the sofa. I considered getting up and sitting next to Logan, but that would be way too forward. My best bet would be to suffer through the movie and catch him as I got up. Maybe Carlos and James would leave first.

It's not even that bad of a movie, I was just antsy to put the moves on Logan. Waiting and waiting was killing me. I got lucky though, and Logan decided to bail only halfway through. As he got up, I announced that I was going to lay back down in my room and followed him. He went down the hallway and I tailed.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"Thought maybe I'd take a nap, too."

"Heh. Yeah. Sounds like a good idea, right?" I said nervously. Logan nodded and stood there a little expectantly. I tried to do one of those moves; staring, touching, etc. but I just couldn't bring myself to. I looked away and quickly said, "Okay. Well I'll see you later." I ran off real suddenly and went into my room. I closed the door and pressed my back against it, melting inside. He was my best friend, but now just _talking _to him was difficult? How would I ever pull this out? I fell down on my bed and pulled the pillow up to my face. I wanted to cry. I didn't just take a nap, I stayed in my bedroom until the next morning.


	2. Touch and Go

The alarm on my phone went off at 6am, since we had to be back at Rocque Records by 9. I turned it off and rubbed my eyes, which were sore and crusty from crying I guess. My head felt thick and dizzy. Would I be able to talk to Logan today? I hoped that it wouldn't be awkward at all, and maybe I'd be able to get in those little hints that I wanted to.

I walked out into the hallway and stepped over to the bathroom. As usual, it appeared that I was up before everyone else. I tapped open the bathroom door and flipped on the light, only to be surprised to find Logan in there. He was facing away from me, using the toilet.

"OH MY GOD!" I shouted.

Logan turned around very quickly with his eyes wide open. "Sorry, sorry, sorry," he said quickly. "I should've shut the door. Didn't think anyone was up yet."

"It's okay," I said groggily. He flushed the toilet and washed his hands at the sink, but I just stood there like a fool with my hand still sitting by the light switch. Logan looked at me and smiled. Such a beautiful smile. His dimples lit up his face, but I _still _couldn't move.

"Kendall?"

"Huh?"

"Um. Ha. So what's up?" Logan asked sweetly. I blinked.

"Not much. Just woke up."

"Okay. Cool."

It was the perfect time to put a move on him, but I didn't. He dried off his hands and left the bathroom, keeping his eyes fixed on me. He looked kind of disappointed. I closed the door as he exited and went to the vanity above the sink. I looked at my tired eyes. I really had to get my act together so that I could at least make it through the day! But when I look at Logan, I freeze up. Feeling under pressure to get things in motion, and facing the possibility that it would wreck our friendship, I had no choice but to face my fears and gather up my courage. I gave myself a little pep talk before we went to the studio. _It's just Logan, you know_, I said to myself. _Your best friend. You can be cool with him. How many things have you gone through together? This is just another one. Not a big deal. Drop a few hints and if he reacts positively, go from there. It can't fail._

Everyone else woke up and we took a cab to the studio. I sat between the window and Carlos; being pushed up against Logan would be too much for me to handle right then. Carlos kept bobbing up and down while he sang along with some song he had heard on a commercial earlier. It was a little annoying, but then again it's Carlos. James and Logan whispered something to each other but I couldn't hear it. I pressed my nose to the window and watched LA fly by.

"Yo Kendall," Carlos said jovially. "How you feeling about that new song?"

"Which?" I asked blankly.

"_Amazing_."

"It's cool. I think we'll wrap it up today."

Logan giggled and I looked over at him quickly. He turned and smiled, but Carlos popped in front of him and kept talking. "The chorus is catchy. _Girl, you're just amaazzing_." He continued singing but I went to the window again. James and Logan chimed in, but I basically just pouted. I quickly noticed that the cab driver was smiling. I rolled my eyes.

"_Never seen a girl that makes me crazy, baby, _Kendall?" Logan leaned over Carlos's lap and tapped me on the shoulder. "Why aren't you singing? We should warm up our voices before we get there, then maybe Gustavo might actually be happy with us."

"Yeah, you're right," I said without looking at him. He'd be making a cute face for sure, and I did not need to pop a chubby or anything sitting next to Carlos like that.

"Keenndaaaalll!" Logan teased musically. Then he put his hand on my knee, but the touch made me so nervous that I became unexpectedly defensive. I pulled back my leg and laughed nervously.

"You're just ama-aazing," I sang weakly. Logan giggled and sat back in his seat.

Before it got any stranger, the cab pulled up in front of Rocque Records and let us off.

"LET'S DO THIS!" Carlos chanted as soon as he got out of the car. James and Logan followed him inside, but I tailed behind them slowly.

Oh yeah, so the session went pretty well. Gustavo did his usual bitching and whatnot, but I remained level headed throughout. He finally dismissed us and I tried to catch up to Logan as we were leaving.

"Go okay today, huh?" I said.

"Yeah, I think so," Logan said quietly. We walked beside each other and my hand was so close to his that I just wanted to grab it.

"You sounded great," I mumbled.

"Oh?" he perked up and looked at me, smiling. "Thanks. You, too, you know that?"

"Hah, cool. That's cool. Thanks."

We went through the front doors of Rocque Records and stepped out onto the pavement. Our taxi was supposed to be there by now, but I didn't see it anywhere. No sign of James or Carlos, either. It was the perfect time to chat Logan up officially.

"You think they took the cab without us?" I teased.

"No, James wouldn't do that, come on," Logan said. He folded his arms and looked out over the busy road. He seemed worried.

"Everything okay?" I asked.

"Yeah." That didn't sound too confident. I stepped a little closer.

"Well, maybe, if they don't show up soon," Logan said shyly. "We'll just catch a cab together, huh?" He looked up at me with his dark eyes sparkling. I got embarrassed and my body froze up. My mouth opened up a bit, but no words came out. This whole time, Logan had always been the one to crack under pressure and here I was. I felt my face turn hot, and right before I started to speak, James and Carlos popped out of Rocque Records. Logan looked that way and suddenly grinned real big. "James!" He called out. "Where were you?"

"Sorry dude," James apologized.

Carlos ran up to me and smacked me on the shoulder. "Got a little distracted," he said. "Where's the cab?"

"I dunno," Logan said. He smiled up at James and I felt like shit. We were actually making progress, but now we were back to square one. The cab finally showed up and all of us went back to the Palmwoods.


	3. Dead Zone

I let the three boys go ahead of me, as I was feeling sick to my stomach again and couldn't really deal with seeing Logan. I considered the next possible actions; okay, so Logan _might _be interested. The way he looked up at me when he suggested taking a cab alone was interesting. I had never seen his eyes glisten at me like that. But why couldn't I focus and talk to him?

I curled up on one of the sofas in the lobby. Life is too fucking complicated. I put my chin up on the arm of the sofa and stared out the window to the pool deck. Everyone was chatting as usual, having a great time and enjoying the beautiful weather. Here I sat, wallowing in my own misery because there was a fair chance that my best friend, whom I was in love with, loved me back. This was _stupid_. Young people emotions are like a runaway train. A dumb, embarrassing runaway train.

"Hey bro, what's wrong?" I heard a familiar little voice ask. Looking up I saw none other than my sister, Katie.

"Ehh, hard to explain," I told her.

"Really?" Katie asked bitterly. She put her little hands on her hips. "You think there's something you'd have a hard time explaining to _me_?"

"Ugh. Katie. Come on."

"HMPH!"

I rolled my eyes at my sister. "What do you know about _unrequited love_?" I realized as I said these words that it may not be unrequited, perhaps, but the anguish was about the same.

"Bro," Katie said. She pushed me over and squeezed onto the sofa. "I'm a tween girl. The only kind of love I know is unrequited, duh! So lay it on me, toots."

"_Toots?" _I asked, finally showing a smile for once. My baby sister is crazy.

"Whatever. What's the problem?"

"Okay, well if you gotta know…" I sighed once and continued, "There's this girl who I like, right? We're really, really good friends. But I don't know if she likes me. I think maybe she does, but I'm too scared to ask her."

"You should just ask."

"If she doesn't like me, it could ruin the whole friendship!" I whined.

Katie patted me on the shoulder sympathetically. "How about _I _ask her for you?" she suggested. My eyes fell wide open.

"Um. You don't have to do that."

"Yeah but I can, and I wanna. Who is it?" Katie asked.

"No, no!" I shouted. "I can take care of it!" Suddenly I scrambled to my feet and stared at Katie in shock. "I just gotta take care of it!"

Katie was right. As nervous as it made me, I practically just had to find Logan and get back to where we had been. That made sense. Katie didn't say anything more, just giggle devilishly as I swallowed my fear and summoned my courage. I took the elevator up to the second floor and marched off towards the apartment. Yes. This would be fine. I opened up the door and walked inside. Carlos was watching TV by himself.

"Yo Kendaaaaall," he called out. "Where ya been, man?"

"Ohh, just talking to some people downstairs you know."

"For that long?"

"What, you timing me now?" I chuckled nervously and went to pass him.

"Nah."

"Where're Logan and James?"

"I dunno."

"Mmm okay."

I cleared my throat and stepped down the hallway. The sound of the TV blaring in the back faded as I closed in on Logan's room. Would it be appropriate to knock? What was I thinking; he's my best friend. Over worrying was making it awkward, nothing more. I sucked in a deep breath and knocked on the door. I didn't hear anything. That was strange. Maybe he wasn't in? I knocked once more and then I opened it up. Nope. He wasn't there. The lights were all off and everything was just as tidy as usual. I shrugged, still feeling super nervous, closed the door and went to my room. As I walked in front of James's door, I heard some noise inside. I stopped in my tracks and listened. Sounded like Logan talking. Oh, he must have been hanging out with James. Maybe I could convince him to come hangout with me instead? I nodded to myself and simply invited myself in, but what I found made me scream inside.

James had Logan pinned up against the wall, his legs wrapped around his waist and was clearly giving it to him. His thin, jeans-clad hips were pounding against Logan's pale ass like a little rabbit. Logan's fingers gripped into James's shoulders, pulling the fabric of his tank top, and his eyes were rolling back in his head. His shorts sat on the floor in a messy pile.

But James turned his head to me and almost dropped Logan to the ground. "Shit!" he called out. Logan focused on me and cried out. I backed out of the room and closed the door. Everything came crashing down all at once. My head suddenly pounded and I ran to my room. I slammed the door and crumbled into my sheets. I've always tried to remain stoic, but my iron nerves failed me today. Tears rushed out of my eyes and I wailed into my pillow. How could this have happened? The friend I love having sex with my other friend? It wasn't fair. _It wasn't fucking fair_.

Someone knocked on my door. "WHAT!" I called out, sounding even snottier than I had hoped.

"It's me…" I heard a quiet little voice speak pathetically. It was Logan of course.

"What."

"Can I come in, please?"

"I GUESS."

I heard my door squeal open and tiny footsteps shuffled inside. I closed my eyes and tried to get the image of James fucking Logan out of my head.

"Kendall?"

"What."

"I'm sorry you had to see that."

"Well…"

"I didn't think anyone would come in."

"Well…"

"Kendall?" Logan asked. I still didn't look at him. "Kendall?" He walked up real close to me and poked my shoulder. I didn't budge. "Kendall, are you okay?"

"No," I mumbled.

"What's upsetting?"

"Everything."

"That's silly. What's upsetting?"

Reluctantly, I flipped my head to see Logan and looked up at him. I must have looked terrible, since he jumped back immediately.

"I didn't know you and James were a _thing_," I said. "I had no idea."

"Sorry, man. Are you cool with us being gay? It just sort of happened."

"Logan, _I'm _gay."

He sucked in his lower lip and stared at me sadly. "I, I thought you might have been," he said very quietly.

"Why didn't you say anything?" I asked, getting annoyed.

"I was trying to drop little hints to see if you'd react," Logan explained. I started to feel sick to my stomach again. "But you seemed to freak out whenever I did, so well, James propositioned me and it sort of just happened."

"I want to be alone," I said suddenly, throwing my head back into the pillow. Logan sighed and left my room. I wanted to be alone forever.


	4. Reverb

WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

I always considered myself to be a lucky guy who used his brain, not his emotions, to guide my life in a sensible way. What the hell happened to me? Everything in the last few days had flipped my world upside down, and now to know that the entire effort was wasted. Wasted because of James. Fucking James. He was a good friend, but also and arrogant dickhead, and Logan deserved a better guy than him. I curled up on my bed and unfortunately sobbed. My pillow wrapped around my face and wailed into the fabric. My gut hurt, and it felt like I was bleeding inside. I wanted Logan. I wanted to hold him all to myself. But nooooo. James had him. Fucking James.

Someone knocked on my door but I ignored it, hoping they'd go away. I held back my sobs and waited. Unfortunately my plan didn't work so well.

"Kendall, I know you're in there," I heard James say. He was the last person I wanted to talk to right now. "Y'know there's no reason for you to be mad at me. I didn't know you felt that way."

"Go away!" I yelled.

"Kendall, you're being stupid. And _I_ know stupid. Can I just come in?"

"No."

"Oh come oooooon!" James whined. He was probably frowning and pouting. Good.

"No!"

"Kendaaaall you're being a jeeeeeerk."

"_You're _being a _whore_."

"The hell? I am not! Oh my God, Kendall just let me come in."

I was losing this battle. Reluctantly I said, "Ugh, fine. Come inside."

James creaked open my door and carefully came inside. He looked really upset, but I just frowned at him. "I'm not being a whore, Kendall," he said.

"_I _wanted Logan. _I _wanted to fuck him. Date him. Hold him. Be with him."

"You sorta missed your chance."

I narrowed my eyes at James and he looked somewhat concerned. He stood in the middle of my room very awkwardly. "Um. Sorry," he mumbled.

"Sorry isn't gonna make it better," I hissed.

"Come on. Don't be unreasonable. You're the most reasonable guy I know. Seriously."

I turned over and faced the wall. James's pretty face wasn't going to help. He basically stole my guy out from under me, and I wouldn't forgive him so quickly.

"Kendall," James said. "Use that brain you have, come on dude. There's no reason to be mad at me, I had no idea."

"You can leave now."

"Ohhh," James sighed. I heard him shuffle out of my room and close the door very softly. I had to be alone with my thoughts, or else I could really go off on him. I shut my eyes and fell asleep for a little while.

* * *

"Sshhh shh sshhh…"

I felt tiny, gentle kisses run a line across my shoulder blades. They tickled and I started to wake up. I turned my head and let out a little moan. The kisses were so gentle, so tender and shy as they worked their way along my spine and up to my neck. A soft hand touched my shoulder and caressed it with a particular tenderness that I could only associate with a mother. Mother? No way. My mom wouldn't kiss me like that, it was way too intimate. But who else could touch me in such a caring way?

_Mmmmm_, I groaned to myself. The fingers traced circles around my shoulder and teased me a bit. I decided it was time to see who was doing this to me. Sleepy delirium was still hanging heavily over me, so I wasn't thinking entirely well. I turned my head to the side and looked back. I saw two soft chocolate eyes staring back at me.

"L…Logan?" I mumbled. Was this a dream?

He smiled and continued to touch my back like an angel. "Hey Kendall," he whispered.

"What are you doing…"

"I felt bad," Logan cooed. "Sorry about the whole James thing."

"So you aren't dating him or whatever?" I asked.

Logan smiled real cute, flashing his dimples and looked sheepish. "Weellll," he said.

"Well what?"

"Well, I am sort of still dating him."

"Huuh?"

"I'm still dating James."

"What the fuck, Logan." I rolled over onto my back and looked up at the cute friend above me. He blushed and raised a hand to his lips. This was causing all sorts of conflict within me; on one hand, the guy I had been dying to be with was touching me intimately. But then again, he was dating a friend. Was James still a friend?

Logan crawled onto his elbows and got right up into my face. He bit his lower lip and let out a tiny moan. "Make love to me, Kendall," he whispered in a throaty moan.

"Uhh…right now?" I swallowed hard.

"Right now." Logan ran his hand across my cross and tickled my stomach. I couldn't help but smile.

"I don't know," I said quickly. Logan's finger crawled to the rim of my boxers and slipped about an inch beneath the elastic. His hypnotic eyes remained fixed on me. "I know you want me," he whispered. Of course he was right; I did want him. I wanted him _bad_. But I also didn't want to encourage him cheating on James. I wasn't happy about their relationship, but they were still friends and I pretty much had to accept it.

"Pleeeeease?" He moaned. His fingers slipped further beneath my boxers and touched the tip of my evidently hard dick. I gasped but didn't resist. "Please fuck me, Kendall."

"Just wait a minute, oh my God. Logan, what about James?"

"So? You're my friend too. And I want to make you happy. Ohh, I feel really bad about what happened…I just want to make it up to you."

"No, no. Logan, I'm sorry." I pulled his hand out of my pants and sat up. This whole thing had made me angry, but it didn't make me a bad person. "I can't do this. It's not fair to James."

"Oh…" Logan looked disappointed and embarrassed. He got off of my bed and shuddered. "I was just trying to help."

"Yeah, I know. But it's not really right." As much as it hurt me to turn down his sexual advances, I had to. I swallowed hard and left him in my room.


	5. Chance on Me

I wasn't being very good at thinking that day. I should have just forgotten about James and banged his "boyfriend." It was James's fault that I couldn't be dating Logan anyway, why was I making all these stupid excuses? Oh, well, I guess because he is technically my friend. My friend who _betrayed _me. To be fair, he didn't know that I loved Logan or any of that, but still. Logan said he had an idea, and he should have said something. Hmm…so whose fault was it that I couldn't be with Logan? As I thought about it, it seemed that both James and Logan were equally at fault. They both fucked it up for me. They both sabotaged my happiness. Maybe it _would_ be right to fuck Logan? I could get back at James. I could actually do a lot of things.

Okay, well the rest of the day went by and neither of the boys said much to me. It was of course tense between us all on different levels. Carlos didn't know about any of this, but he picked up on it a little bit. When we all tried to watch TV together, James and Logan got all huffed and walked out holding hands.

"What's up with them?" Carlos asked.

"They're dating," I mumbled.

"Yeah I know that. But why are they being dicks to you?"

"I dunno."

"Suuuuure? Seems pretty weeeiiirrrd for friends to just get pissed like that." Carlos leaned over into my face and grinned real big, but I just pushed him away and sighed. I heard Carlos sigh as he returned to his dent in the sofa. We watched a bit more TV and then I said, "Have you ever like, wanted something so bad that it hurt?"

"Oh my God yeah. Only like every day, man."

"What's that?"

"As long as Griffin holds all our money, I'll never be able to go to that restaurant with the deep fried steak. It's _gourmet_, Kendall. A gourmet deep fried steak. Tell me that's not awesome, right?"

"Sounds pretty good. Expensive?"

"I don't even want to think about the price," Carlos whined and pretend cried. "It will never be mine…"

"Oookay," I looked at Carlos funny. "But I sorta meant like a person. Not…food."

"Ohhh. Oooooh! Yeah I know how that is."

"Do you? Do you know how it is to want it, but never have it?"

"Uh huh," Carlos said and nodded. He became quiet and even somewhat reserved. "Gotta take a chance while you have it," he said.

"True, true."

When night finally rolled around, it was time for me to make a move. I observed James going to bed alone, subsequently leaving Logan by himself in his own room. Perfect. Once everyone had their lights off and they were asleep, I snuck across the hallway and quietly slipped into Logan's room. I crawled across the floor at stopped at the side of his bed. Logan was lying on his stomach with most of the covers pushed off. He was wearing only boxer briefs. I leaned over him and pressed my tongue onto his back. He shivered and let out a mumbled little moan. I put both of my hands onto his creamy back and lightly stroked. It was hard for me to remain cool; even though Logan had been so forward about coming onto me earlier, I still longed for him deeply enough that just touching him made me nervous. His skin was so smooth and soft, I caressed it with the utmost gentleness.

"Kendall's mom said no sleepovers," Logan mumbled into his pillow. "No sleeping…over."

"My mom is just being a jerk," I said, knowing that he thought I was James. Logan quick-flipped his head around and looked right at me.

"Oh," he said. "Kendall."

"Y-yeah."

"Did you change your mind, I guess?" a naughty smile stretched across his face in the darkness.

"Uh huh."

"Mmmm, come here Kendall." He put his little hands onto my shoulders and pulled me closer. I slid my stomach across the bed and we embraced. Our arms entwined. It was wrong, but it felt so good. That'll teach James to not take my guy! Logan probably didn't even like dating him!

"Please fuck me," Logan beckoned in a sultry moan. I took his face in my hands and pressed our noses together. His breath was short and sweet. His fingers wrapped around my hips and began to crawl underneath my shirt. My skin crawled with goose bumps as he touched me. His lips parted and he whispered, "Please, please fuck me."

"Well," I said, feeling somewhat unsure of myself. "I don't know if I will fuck you but uh, we'll see."

"James can't satisfy me."

"Wait, what?"

Logan looked real sad. "James can't satisfy me."

"Why not? He's so hot."

"Between you and me," Logan said. He put his mouth right against my ear and whispered, "One guy is never enough."

I nuzzled his cheek and said, "Why Logan, you're a little whore."

"Sshhh…"

Every bone in my body, save for one, knew that this was wrong. Even if it was revenge, even if it was for fun, it was wrong. I couldn't miss this opportunity, though, so I swallowed hard and dove head first. Logan put a tiny kiss on my cheek and I smiled. How was this guy so sweet? James was lucky to date him. I guess.

"Kendall, let's stop dicking around and just go for it."

I nodded in agreement. Logan turned my face and kissed me on the lips. Oh, finally that kiss. His lips were tender and tasted sweet. I ran my hands across his chest, exploring his smooth contours along the way. Tiny, sexy moans came from his mouth and stopped short inside mine. He pulled his arms around me tighter and started to slip his legs around my hips.

"Uhh," I began apprehensively. "I dunno about actually having sex with you."

"Why?" Logan looked up at me desperately. Sometimes he makes these faces that you really can't refuse.

"I've uh," I cleared me throat once or twice. "I've never had sex."

"Haha, you're kidding, right?" When I shook my head, his smile fell. "Oh my God," he said. "You're a virgin?"

"Yeah," I mumbled.

"Well I won't be your first," Logan said. He moved his legs off of my waist and shifted away from me a bit. "Get some experience and come back."

"I can't just _go and get experienced_."

"Get a boyfriend of something. Shouldn't be that hard." He rolled over and showed his back to me. Are you kidding?! He was being a jerk. Logan was never that much of a jerk. It was all over now? "You're sexy, you're fun. You could get a guy."

"Mmm but I wanted you," I admitted.

Logan looked over his shoulder quickly and said, "I have James. You're just a fuck." Those words actually hurt me a bit. I never expected Logan to be so cold. I left his bed and headed to the door. Maybe this wasn't worth my time, but he was right about something; I could get a guy.


	6. Problem Child

I didn't sleep very well, as I was haunted by a strange dream. In it, I was talking to another me. He told me that I was going to betray all of my friends, but I got angry and yelled. When I woke up, I was really shook up by it all. Was the other me right? Was I about to betray the guys? I sat up in bed with my knees to my chest, thinking this over. Logan was apparently a little whore, and I never even knew it. Maybe it disturbed me more than I realized. He always seemed to sweet and innocent on the outside; a fun guy with high ambitions in life. He was a little awkward, a little nerdy, but a great friend and a sweet young man. But now that he confessed his inability to be satisfied; his willingness to cheat on James, I was seeing him in a different light. My immediate reaction was to give in. I had craved Logan's flesh for so long that given the opportunity I was kinda blinded, but as I thought it through, it was probably best to resist Logan's sexual advances. I felt bad for James, now.

I finally got up and dragged my sorry ass out to the living room. Gustavo gave us the day off, which I was only halfway grateful for. I flipped on the TV and sat back, trying to get comfortable. A few minutes later, I heard a shuffling of footsteps pass behind me. I looked back lazily and saw James and Logan walking through the apartment. Logan smiled at me weakly and followed James toward the front door. They were holding hands. I looked back to the TV and I heard them both leave. It was hard to figure out the feelings I had; was I still jealous of their relationship, or did I not care anymore? Was I angry that James stole Logan from me, or was I glad that Logan wasn't cheating on me? Oh my gosh. How did I become so confused?

The TV played on, and pretty soon somebody jumped over the back of the sofa and settled in next to me. It was Carlos.

"Yooooooooooooooooooooooooo top of the mornin', Kendooooooll."

"Uh, morning," I said plainly.

Carlos stretched out and yawned real big. "Whatcha watchin', man?" He asked.

"Just Maury. But I'm looking for something else."

"Little baby mama drama this early in the morning?"

"I _said _I'm looking for something else," I said. Carlos laughed and I couldn't help but do so as well.

"So uh," Carlos began. He scooted closer to me. "What were you doing in Logan's bedroom last night?"

"HUH?" My eyes widened and I froze up. "How did…what?"

"Dude, I saw you going in there."

"Nothing happened," I said quickly. "Just talking."

"There's some weird stuff going on with all of you guys. Wanna fill me in? I thought we were better friends than to keep secrets. Come on, man."

"There's nothing."

"Oh bullshit!" Carlos yelled. For the first time ever, he actually looked upset and seriously miffed. "They're being dickheads and avoiding you. You're sneaking into Logan's room. I know I'm not a real think-y sorta guy, but I'm not completely oblivious! Usually!"

"Alright, well," I moved closer to him and talked softly. "Logan wants to have sex with me."

"Are you uh, are you into it?" Carlos asked. He stared at me with his eyes wide open.

"I want to fuck him of course, I mean. Haha. Well."

"You've always liked him, huh?"

My face got red. "How did you know?"

"Told you I'm not oblivious."

"Oohh. Maybe less gets by you than I realized." I smiled and scratched my head. Carlos made a cute face and stuck out his tongue, nodding.

"Uh huh!" He said.

"At any rate, I'm a little disturbed that Logan would cheat on James so willingly."

"Yeah totally. What's up with him lately? I think he needs therapy."

"Therapy? Seriously? Why would you say that?"

Carlos shifted in his seat and put his elbow on the back of the sofa. "I notice him having highs and lows recently."

"Like how?" I asked. I had not noticed any of this.

"Sometimes, he's really happy and normal acting, but every now and then he's sorta like a jerk, and horny acting or something. I dunno."

"Wow, I haven't really seen this. But now that I think about it, maybe it's true."

Carlos nodded seriously. I folded my arms and thought about how I would research this matter. Maybe Logan was actually bipolar or something. In that case, it would be really cruel of us to ignore it. If the guy needs help, we would pretty much have to intervene.

* * *

Later in the day, James and Logan came back looking pretty alright. I had deduced that the best plan was the actually ask James for his opinion. Probably wouldn't hurt to apologize for being rude to him. My feelings toward James were still fairly divided, but if Logan was having mental problems, then the whole situation had to be reevaluated.

Carlos managed to steal Logan away for a little while so I could move in on James.

"Hey, James?"

"What."

I cornered him in the kitchen, where he was getting himself a glass of water. He seemed a little hostile.

"I want to apologize," I said quietly. "For being rude. About Logan and stuff."

"It's okay," answered James. He cleared his throat and looked at me. "I'm sorry for makin' you jealous. I mean, Logan and I do have something pretty great."

"Ummm, I also want to talk about that," I continued.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Carlos and I are a little…concerned about Logan. And I wanted to get your opinion."

"Uh. Sure. Okay." James cleared his throat once more and took a sip of the water.

"His behavior is, well, very up and down. Do you notice this?" It was hard to not be awkward about this. I did not want to come off as condescending or anything.

"Maybe a little bit. Oh, you know, sometimes he really wants to have sex, but then he'll be really cold."

"Yeah! Like that, right? He is like that with me, too." As soon as I said those words, I suddenly realized that I was implying. James double took and stared at me.

"W-what?" he asked, leaving his mouth open.

"Um. I mean, uh…"

"The fuck?!" James's voice actually became angry_. _His eyes flashed with rage and I buckled, expecting him to hit me. He threw the glass to the floor, shattering it, and stormed off. "The fuck!" he shouted once more. "Logan! What the fuck!"

I stared down at the broken glass and swallowed hard. Whoops.


	7. Lift Me Up

James burst into Logan's room, where he was presumably hanging out with Carlos, and began yelling. I slinked along the hallway, doing my best to stay hidden, and eavesdropped on the drama.

"What the fuck, Logan?!" James shrieked.

"Huh?" Logan replied.

"Carlos, could you leave?" James asked. Carlos didn't say anything, but he came up next to me shortly thereafter.

"I sorta fucked up," I whispered to him.

"How come?" Carlos asked.

Before I had the chance to answer, I was interrupted by James shouting again. "You're having sex with Kendall?!" He yelled.

"No!" Logan cried. "No I'm not!"

"Why the hell did he say you wanna have sex with him?!"

"I don't know."

"Logan! What the FUCK!" It sounded like James was starting to cry. "We've been going out for like a week and you're already cheating on me? With my best friend? What's wrong with you?!"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"I think I liked you better as a friend."

Both of them started sobbing loudly enough that I could clearly distinguish who was who. I looked at Carlos and made a sad face, which he returned.

"_I don't know what's wrong with me_," Logan whined. "Sometimes my head just won't sit still. And I want to keep fucking and fucking."

"But I give you plenty of sex," James rebutted. "It's not enough?"

"I don't know. I don't…I don't know, James."

"I think we should just break up and keep it at just friends, before this gets weirder."

Logan didn't answer, but I heard someone walk out of the room and close the door. Then another door opened and closed. Carlos peered his head around the corner of the wall. He motioned his fingers for me to follow, and we both went out into the hallway. "I'll go talk to James," he said. I nodded and said I'd take care of Logan. We pounded fists and divided.

I opened up Logan's bedroom door and stepped inside carefully. He was hiding beneath the covers, still sobbing.

"I'm sorry," he sniffed. "I just can't control myself."

"Logan, it's me," I said. Logan pulled the covers off of his face real quick and stared at me wide eyed. His skin was pale as a ghost but tears were running down his cheeks. "Logan…"

"What's wrong with me?" Logan asked pathetically.

"I don't know." I stepped over to the bedside, keeping my eyes fixed on Logan with a sympathetic look. "But I want to help you, with whatever is going wrong."

Logan's lower lip wobbled. "R-really?"

"Yeah of course." I got up on the bed and gave Logan a hug. He put his arms around me and held on tight. I patted his back and even put a little kiss on the top of his head. "You just need some therapy or something."

"I'm scared," Logan whispered.

"Why?"

"It's like I can't control my emotions. I fall in love, I get horny, I go crazy, I get depressed. How will I ever get through med school if I'm crazy like this?"

"You aren't crazy," I tried to reassure him.

"Then what is it? What's wrong with me? I try to do the right thing, but then in the end I'm just salting my wounds."

"You just need a therapist. We'll get you one." I hugged him a bit tighter as he continued to cling. His breath was heavy but unsteady. I felt really bad. He was holding on to me like a desperate, lonely child. I had never known him to be so needy. Finally my leadership was back. I wasn't a slave to my beating heart anymore. Now was the time to take hold on Logan and watch over him, which was all I ever wanted anyway. I touched the back of his head and did my best to calm him down. Logan sniffed a few times and looked up at me. "James broke up with me," he whispered.

"I know," was my gentle reply. "I'm sorry."

Logan gazed upon me with giant, sad eyes. His hands gripped into my back and he asked, "You want to date me instead?"

"Oh. Haha…" I swallowed hard and laughed sheepishly a few times. Part of me wanted to make love to him right at that moment, but considering all of the crazy complications lately, it would probably be smart to lay low and let it pan out on its own. At that point I didn't know how James felt, and for all I knew they would get back together. Once I could settle my own emotions, I realized it would be nice to give my friends what makes them happy, even if I don't get what I want. "Maybe it would be best if we stayed friends. Is that okay?"

"I guess…" his grip on me loosened and he retracted back to his mattress. It was strange to think this, of course. After all that stress and worry trying to get Logan to fall for me, I would still turn him down? It sounded crazy, but I couldn't deal with dating him now. What if he would have sex with James, or somebody else, behind my back? If I was going to have Logan, I wanted him all to myself. But I vowed to help him get the therapy that he needed. We would sort this out. Then I would reevaluate the dating possibilities.

"I'm going to go work a few things out," I told him, getting to my feet. "You should probably just relax for a little while, okay?"

"Okay," Logan peeped. He folded himself up in the covers and watched me as I walked out. I did my best to smile at him. It broke my heart to see him looking so sad. I didn't want to leave his

I left his room and walked across to James's door. I invited myself in and found Carlos and James standing around and talking.

"Oh," James said as I came in.

"How's everything?" Carlos asked.

"Fine," I told him. "Everything's fine. How about you guys? James?"

James put his face in his palm and shook his head. "I don't know," he said solemnly. "Logan's been hard to handle ever since we decided to go out. It was a pretty big mistake, in my opinion."

"Sorry," I said.

"Why would you be sorry?"

"I dunno. I mean, we're all friends, so I feel partially responsible for anything that one of us does."

"That's silly," James groaned. He yawned real big and shook his head. "I don't know what I'm gonna do."

"We'll find Logan and therapist." I said. Carlos nodded in agreement with this statement. "Once he gets some therapy, he'll be able to figure out what's going on and things will start to shape up, huh?"

"How are we gonna keep recording if he's like this?" James asked.

"We'll just have to deal. Imagine if it was _you _having emotional trouble. Wouldn't you want us to do everything to help?"

"Yeah, true," James mumbled. "Okay. We'll do what we have to."


	8. Moving On Up

"So, he really just needs some time off. We're all really worried about him, and working real hard to do what we can to get him feeling normal again."

I paced back in forth on the floor of my room with my phone up to my ear. This was a conversation that I did not look forward to; explaining Logan's problem to Gustavo.

"Well what the heck is wrong with him?" my producer asked.

"He's just having some…stress problems."

"Yeah, and I'M having stress problems trying to get mah DOGS working on my third album!"

"Gustavo, please. Have I ever asked any favors of you?"

"Hmmm let me think…YES!"

Ahh, I would never get anywhere if Gustavo was just going to be his usual hardheaded self! I really wanted him to understand.

"Logan won't be able to work as hard as you'd like," I explained. "So if you can give him the time off so he can get help, he'll be able to recover and then do _really _well."

"Alright, Ken-dog," Gustavo said with a heavy sigh. "I'll think about it and get back to you. But remember – we're only negotiating _Logan _having time off. You other monkeys need to come in still." He immediately hung up, but I considered myself somewhat victorious.

I shoved my phone into my back pocket and popped out into the living room. My mom was in the kitchen. "How did it go?" she asked. I had expressed my worry about the conversation before I made the call.

"Says he'll get back to me," I said with a weary sigh.

"Why so glum? He pretty much has to agree."

"Ya you're right," I agreed.

Mom handed me a sandwich on a plate, which I took gratefully and took a seat at the counter with. "Where is everyone, by the way?" I asked.

"Not sure. I think they're all out."

"Logan?"

"Oh, he's still in bed."

"Mmm okay."

I sat for a moment and took a few bites of the sandwich. Mom was washing some dishes in the sink. "So how's that girl of yours?" she asked.

"Huh?"

"The girl. The girl you were all depressed about."

"Oh. Well, funny thing about that. See, I sorta realized that relationships aren't worth the difficulties."

"Honey, that's silly. But maybe not entirely dumb." She looked at me with a smile and I nodded.

"I feel silly, 'cause my emotions flip flopped a whole lot. But in the end I decided to drop it."

Mom paused for a moment and held her chin in her hand. She looked down with a pensive, deep face. "What is it?" I asked. My mom chuckled to herself and shook her head. This was something she did from time to time when a particularly heavy thought crossed her mind. She never explained it, but my best guess would be that she realized I was growing up.

I finished my lunch, which was super tasty by the way and slid my plate over to my mom. When he grabbed the plate, I touched her hand gently and patted it. "It's all gonna be alright," I reassured her. My mom laughed sweetly and said, "thanks. I know."

"I want to get Logan the therapy he needs," I said, switching it up a bit. "I'm worried."

"What exactly is the problem, by the way?" mom asked.

"He's having a lot of up and down sort of emotions. Trouble controlling strong feelings." I got up from the bench and wandered off to our bedrooms, saying nothing more to my mom.

I walked up to Logan's room and opened the door slowly. He had the curtains closed and all the lights off. "Loges?" I called out softly. I heard a muffled peep come out from under the pile of sheets on the bed. I sat down and lightly pulled down the covers. Logan was curled up in a fetal position, clutching one of his pillows to his chest. He perked up and looked at me with his glistening glassy globes.

"How are you doin'?" I asked. I put my hand on the top of his head and ran my fingers through hair.

"I'm sad," Logan sighed. "I feel like a total burden to you guys."

"It's okay. We all have problems."

"It's been a confusing week. Mostly my fault."

"Relax," I coaxed, taking the back of my fingers and touching his cheek. He nuzzled me instinctively and closed his eyes. "That feel good?"

"Yeah."

"You just need to regulate your highs and lows."

"I know."

"It'll work out. I'm waiting to hear from Gustavo. Asked him to give you time off to relax and unwind."

"Waaaah," Logan cried out. "You told him? You told him I'm a sissy?"

"Oh my gosh, you aren't a sissy!" I said. I wanted to laugh but did everything I could not to. Logan looked real embarrassed.

"I feel like a fucking fool," he whined.

"Logan…"

It was a bold move, but considering how close we were to having sex before, nothing could be too forward. I laid down behind Logan and wrapped my arms around his waist. I pulled his back against my chest and held him. "Does this help?" I asked. Logan looked back at me and smiled sheepishly. "Yeah."

I cuddled with him for a while. I listened to his breathing and just made him feel better. I wanted to be there for him. Since their break up, James had become a little uncomfortable and distant with Logan. My best guess was that he had too much trouble dealing with Logan's emotions. I'm sure it hurt him that Logan tried to cheat on him with me, but I could see through it. Of course I had been spiteful at first, but now that I knew Logan had something happening to his head, I looked at it in a different light. I wanted my sweet, innocent, nerdy and fun Logan to be back.

At one point, he turned over and faced me. He put his hands up on my shoulders and snuggled real close. I kissed his forehead and nuzzled in.

"Does this help?" I asked.

"Uh huh."

"Do I calm you down?"

"Yeah."

"Good."

I took his cheek in my hand and angled it up at me. He stared into my eyes longingly. His lips parted slightly, looking like they wanted to be kissed. Was it right? Did it matter? I wanted him to be happy, and I think this would help. So I turned my head, closed my eyes, and…

My phone rang!

I jumped up suddenly and grabbed it from my pocket. It was Gustavo. I shushed Logan, even though he wasn't talking, and answered.

"Hey Gustavo," I said quickly.

"Okay Kendall," Gustavo began. He had that _I still don't like you but I've been told to be nice_ tone to his voice. "Logan gets two weeks off. But then he has to come back. _And _I need you, Carlos and James in the studio first thing tomorrow morning. Okay?"

"Awesome. Awesome. Thank you."

"Whatever. See you tomorrow."

He hung up and I put my phone away. "Did you hear?" I asked Logan. He nodded. "So now you can relax, get some therapy, and well, relax."

"Thank you," Logan said quietly.

"It's what I do," I told him. "Now come here."

I pulled his body closer to mine and touched his back. He sighed dreamily and closed his eyes. An after lunch nap sounded great to me.


	9. Now What?

**short chapter, I know. ugh. I'm so unmotivated.**

"Ohh. Ooooohh. Oh my God."

My sleep was interrupted by a fantastic feeling, which sent jolts through my nerves and caused my back to arch. I moaned out as I came to. Something was on my dick. Something warm and tight, moving up and down. I lifted up my head and pulled back the covers, only to see Logan working his mouth on my cock. He twisted his head as my dick pistoned in and out of his mouth. It felt amazing. His hair was a mess but he looked super cute. But it wasn't right. As much as I hated to do it, I took the back of his head and gently lifted him off. "Stop stop stop," whispered. "Logan, stop."

"But I need to," Logan said. He looked up at me and made a desperate face. His hands reached up and touched my tummy very delicately. "I need you."

"Come here," I commanded gently. I grabbed his shoulders and hoisted him up onto my chest. He clung to me like a koala. "Look at me."

"What," Logan mumbled. I put my hands on the back of his head and guided his eyes up to mine. There were tears for some reason.

"You don't need to suck my dick or do anything like that."

"I wanna…"

"Yeah, but if I let you do this stuff, it's only going to hurt you. You're gonna let your emotions run all over the place and you'll end up feeling worse."

Logan's forehead scrunched up. He looked at me so sad and confused, desperate and afraid; I wasn't sure what to do. There was no way that letting him blow me would help, though. We had to stop that behavior.

"I'm scared," he whispered.

"Don't be." I coddled his head to my chest and did my best to let him relax. He raised a hand and placed it near my collar bone. For some reason, he was quivering. "What are you feeling? Thinking?" I asked.

"I…" Logan hesitated to speak. "Why is it so hard to control myself?"

"It's not," I said calmly. "You can do it with a little help."

"Please help me."

"I will. Don't worry Logan, I will. That's what friends are for."

He made a little noise of happiness and settled against me better. "I'm glad you're my friend," he said.

"Me too. But hey, we should get up."

I gently rolled Logan off my chest and helped him get up. "I don't want to," he whined.

"You'll feel better if we do. Let's go for a walk or something."

"Okay."

Logan reluctantly got up and we went into the living room. Looked like Carlos had shown up at some point and took a nap, too. The TV was blaring but he was stretched out on the sofa fast asleep. Logan crept up behind the back of the couch and leaned over. He giggled and so did I.

"Out cold, huh?" I asked softly.

"Mmmhmm. Where do you think James is?"

"I don't know," I said quickly. "Don't know where Carlos had been, either. Hey, let's go."

"Okay." He sighed to himself and followed me downstairs.

It was becoming easier and easier to set my own feelings aside and work on Logan's. He was a wounded guy, and I felt terrible that he had been having these problems unbeknownst to the rest of us. I wished I could go back in time and help him out before everything got scary. I wanted to take back all the panic I had felt when I was pursuing him. It was funny to think that not that many days before, I was sick to my stomach, wondering if Logan liked me back. Wow, it had been a rough ride. Thinking about it made me feel a bit embarrassed. Now, I didn't want to be with Logan. It would be too confusing. Okay, well I secretly still wanted to date him, but I couldn't let those feelings get in the way. It wouldn't help. I needed to be a solid foundation for him, but not a boyfriend. I guess.

"How are you feeling?" I asked Logan. We went through the front doors of the Palmwoods and headed down the sidewalk. He put his hands in his pockets and stared at the ground. He didn't act like his usual self.

"I'm okay," he said quietly.

"What feels wrong?"

"Not sure." He dodged person after person as we walked down the pavement. He looked _so sad_. I wondered what I could do to make him feel better.

"What are you thinking?" I asked him.

"I feel like shit," he said. "I feel so guilty and stupid."

"Why? You aren't."

"Ehhh, I'm gonna set back the progress of the album, all because I'm feeling crappy!"

"You can't help it that you feel bad."

"I wish James would get back together with me."

"Why's that?" Was I feeling jealous? Uh oh. Logan looked up at me.

"I feel even more alone and abandoned. Wasn't it kind of shitty that he left me?

"Well, to be fair, you did sorta try and cheat on him with me."

"I couldn't help it." He looked down once more. Something was off about him.

"We'll see what happens. If James really loves you, he'll take you back once you sort your emotions out."

"Mmmm," Logan sighed. His pace slowed down drastically. I grabbed his shoulder and stopped him.

"What's going on?" I asked. "You're acting weird."

"I'm confused."

"How come? 'Bout what?"

"Not sure if I want to be with James or not."

"You don't have much a choice right now, I'm afraid." I did my best to smile. "Do you love him?"

Logan turned to me and raised his head. His eyes sparkled with sadness. His lips parted and he said, "I love _you_."


	10. Improving

Talk about putting me on the spot! I had no idea how to respond to that. Of course I loved him, but only like a friend.

"Logan, we're just friends," I said, trying to sound polite.

"I-I know. I love you like a friend."

"Heh. Alright."

"But, Kendall?" Logan put a hand on my arm and held onto it delicately. "Just a few days ago, you were screaming at me because I wouldn't go out with you. What's up with that?"

"I guess I got my priorities in order," I said quietly. We turned around and started to walk back to the Palmwoods. "I spent _a lot _of time wondering if you liked me. I was determined to find out, but when I saw you with James, I got a little aggressive."

"Maybe I'm not the only one with problems."

"Of course not, everyone has _problems_."

"Oh, um, well, then uh…"

"What?"

"Why don't we go out?"

I had to think about the words that were about to come out of my mouth. His question was definitely legit; why shouldn't we go out?

"I just feel that it would make things too complicated right now," I said softly.

"Yeah," Logan answered. He looked down solemnly and tried to smile in agreement. "I guess you're right."

"You went out with James, tried to seduce me, and to be honest you were really rude when I said I was a virgin."

"Sorry," he apologized. "I just…ah, never mind."

"Huh?"

"It's okay. You're right. I gotta focus on getting better, anyway."

"Mhm!" I agreed and held open the front door to the Palmwoods.

"Thanks," Logan said and walked inside.

"Did you mean it?" I asked. We walked through the hallway and headed towards the elevator.

"Mean what?"

"That you wouldn't have sex with me until I hooked up with someone else first."

"Not really."

"Why did you say it?"

Logan's face turned bright red and he looked really sad all of the sudden. "I dunno," he whispered. The elevator doors opened up and we went inside. I clicked the second floor and watched them close again.

"You'll get better," I said. "I'm sure."

"I hope so." Logan looked up at me and tried his best to smile. His eyes glistened very cutely. Inside, I wanted to grab him and kiss him so badly. Would it be weird? We had kissed before. We were both single. No, no. We were trying to get _his _emotions normal. I couldn't move in and get all crazy again. Wow, it was hard to stay sane.

"I want to get better," Logan said. The elevator stopped at let us out.

"You will, don't worry."

* * *

We got Logan to see a therapist the next day. It was right around the corner of the Palmwoods so he walked, but I still took him and waited there. I didn't want him to wander alone in case it didn't go so well. I liked to have him under my wing. I always did. That was something that I had secretly loved to do our whole lives together. He was so frail and innocent it was great to have him feel safe with me. Is that a normal sensation? Maybe I need therapy, too.

At any rate, I was in the waiting room for 45 minutes, and when he came out I saw him smiling as the doctor saw him off.

"How'd it go?" I asked.

"Good," he answered quickly. We left together and headed home. "What about rehearsal?"

"Eh, the usual."

"Nothing special?"

"Nah, not really. It's weird without you, though."

"Sorry…" Logan looked down as he walked. I touched his arm and told him to cheer up.

"It's not your fault," I reassured him.

"It sorta is."

"No, no it's not. So what did the therapist say?"

"Ohhh," he sighed. "Well, we can't get a proper diagnosis until a few more sessions, but she seems to think it's not serious. Maybe just a cry for attention."

"Attention? But you hate attention."

"That's what I thought."

"Weird. What did she say about your crazy sex behavior?"

"I dunno," said Logan. He suddenly got very quiet.

"Hmm?" I asked, but he didn't answer. We were back at the Palmwoods now, and as we stepped through the front doors we were greeted by James and Carlos.

"How'd it go?" James asked. Logan shrugged and walked by them, but I stuck around.

"He's feeling strange about it," I told them. "Probably best if we give him some alone time to think."

"Is it worth it? Do you think it's worth it?" Carlos asked.

"I don't know. We'll have to see."

James sighed and looked down sadly.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Ahh I dunno." He put his hands in his pockets and went to walk away. Carlos looked at me in confusion. "Well I'm gonna get something to eat," he said. I waved and followed after James.

"Yo James, James. What's the problem, man?" I ran up behind him and grabbed his shoulder. He didn't really budge. "Jaaaames?"

"You're going to date him, aren't you?" James snapped.

"I just want to keep it friends," I told him. "Trying not to make it complicated. I know that his cheating and whatnot was upsetting, and I'd rather not turn things crazy."

"Mmmh…" James sighed and looked beyond me. His eyes twinkled with sadness.

"You don't believe me?" I asked. "If I go out with him, he'll probably just cheat on me with you."

"You don't see it, do you?"

"See what?"

"Jeez, come on," James pulled his hands from his pockets and folded them. He stepped a little closer to me and made his voice calm. It doesn't happen so often that he sounds so serious.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I thought you were the guy who always figured this shit out," James went on to explain, but I still didn't follow. "Logan didn't cheat on me because he wants to cheat."

"Why do you say that?"

"Ugh. Look. He had been pursuing you, but since you were oddly shy about it, he gave up. I told him about it, and we started going out instead. He doesn't like me like that, he wants _you_."

"Well, I dunno if that's true…"

"The whole reason he can't control himself is 'cause he wants _you_."

I stared at James for a moment. Was he right? Was Logan's entire problem all centered around me? I felt like an asshole. The whole time I had been stressed out, depressed, and crazy acting because I wanted Logan so bad, Logan felt the same way about me. Now it seemed like I was responsible for his mental problems. That was silly, right? I mean, since when did I take advice from James, anyway?

"Think whatever you want. But I dated him, and I…well," James swallowed hard. "I tolerated him talking about you all the time."

"All the time?" I asked.

James got up in my face and pointed at me. He widened his eyes real big and said, "_all the time_." And then he walked away fast.


End file.
